My life changed the moment that I found out I was pregnant. At that precise moment you are no longer the care free, selfish and ruthless individual that you perhaps didn't care to acknowledge but you are now a parent and with that brings responsibility, dedication, reliability, a complete change in your mind of thought. 

Those feelings I had 9 months to adapt to, and some to be honest had to be learnt. What I wasn't prepared for was the devastation and heart ache that also comes with parenting and ours, the worst imaginable that no parent should have to experience. Dealing with all these raw emotions and the emptiness which has now been left as well as life in general is tough. No one can prepare you for this. I often feel like I've boarded a fast train and missed lots of stops (in life); like looking out the window watching things go by,  things have happened so quickly that life has moved on to the next chapter. 

19 months have past and my heart still aches for you. I still find it extremely difficult to except the separation. Except that it will be something that I have to live with and knowing there is nothing that can be done about it. 

Our friends are amazing, extremely supportive and understanding which is great as it allows us to talk about you when we feel the need to help us get through that particular day.

It's 19 months on and though I'm sure it does get easier, I can't ever imagine the heart ache ever fading.