Well, my boy, what can I say but I feel an enormous amount of guilt having not written in such a long time even though we speak daily. The only way to describe how I feel is the sense of rejection that I haven’t given you the same attention as your brother and sister and for that I am sorry, but equally I know that its because you are not demanding attention or require the nurturing of every day basic needs.

So much has happened since I last wrote; moved house, gained an MBE title in your legacy, your brother and sister starting nursery and my looming return to work. 

Life is busy at the moment and sometimes I find it a tad overwhelming but its all positive and Iknow will calm down at some point in time, so for now its about holding on in there and taking things as they come.

I’m already thinking about your birthday and how you would have been 4 years old. How quickly has time gone. I still wonder what you might have looked like, and what your personality might have been like. I don’t think I’ll ever stop wondering, and I might even find out out one day.

Miss you my big boy.

Love you forever.

Mummy xxx