It's been heartbreaking to follow the story of baby Azayla; when the diagnosis is inevitable and your given that final window of how long you have left with this precious little being that is all yours. 

No consent on whether it's enough time to build memories, no insight into what is actually going to happen, and no idea how it will feel when they're gone.

That heartache never leaves you. The days tick by and whilst tears might not be shed as frequently, they still pour. Often when you least expect it.

Lucas, you are always on my mind. Not only because I see your face staring back at me on my phone screen 100's times a day but more so lately. Maybe its from the guilt that i feel from not having visited since the new year, maybe its because friends are at Thorpe Forest where we built special memories, maybe its because I don't write enough, maybe its because i've been reflecting on our final weeks as i've followed Azayla's journey...all I know, is that you are very present on my mind (as you always are).

I miss you son. Can't believe you would have been 6 years old this year. Time really has gone quickly and I hate that. I hate that it gets longer and longer since I last see you, though I know you're spirit surrounds us and that we will meet again one day.

Love you forever.

Mummy xxx