This day last year we laid you rest at Chiltern Burial Woods. After losing you and finding such a beautiful place, I just wanted you there surrounded by life, birds, tress and shrubs. 

I remember the day like yesterday, getting up and ready, then practising my speech which brought me to tears as I struggled to get through the first paragraph.  We frantically scrambled around to ensure we had everything, memorabilia such as your teddy bears and books etc which we planned to place next to your casket. We made sure that the slideshow and background music where uploaded and synchronised, and the poem written for you by Elena was packed ready to proudly share with guests. 

We waited for your posey to be delivered, and then nervously...you. We sat side by side of you in the back, surrounding you with your toys as we slowly made our way there.

I stared at the casket; wondering and hoping that I would get a last sneaky peak of you through the weaving. I would switch my gaze to out of the window, preparing myself for what was about to come.

As we entered Chiltern Woods I felt my stomach churn and the cold sweat under my armpits, nervous sweats. 

We could see all our friends and family gathered in the hall. We turned away and I carefully carried you in to the Woodland Hall, Daddy following with your things. We gently placed you in the middle of the room and surrounded you with your things. It was then time to face people. 

We aproached the other hall, I could see people muttering 'they're coming' and as we walked through the doors restrained tears seeped from our eyes and we could hold our sadness in no more. 

When the time came to commence the service we ushered people to the Woodland Hall, Baby Mine was playing. Tears began to stream from eyes. Some clearly recognising the gifts that they had brought for you sitting by your side. 

As as the music finished, we heard from Sharon who opened the service with some beautiful touching words. 

I then stood up. It was my turn to say a few words on behalf of Daddy and I. We had written the speech together. We tried to capture your story, and the imprint that you had left on us and others. I remember gazing around the room at wet faces, so my gaze became transfixed on the central doors. I had to get through it, deliver it perfectly to make you and Daddy proud. 

We then heard a tape recording of Elena reading the poem she wrote for you, followed by the song 'Hello' by Adele that we danced to often and a few more readings. 

We closed the service with a slideshow of pictures of you and the song 'Somewhere over the rainbow' as Daddy carried you down to the spot we had choosen for you under the baby oak tree. 

Daddy and I gently laid you to rest, and everyone placed a little note with you along with some white rose petals. I often wonder what they wrote but only you know.  As people made their way back to the hall, Daddy and I stayed behind to read you a story 'Guess How Much I Love You'. I didn't want to leave you but I knew you were safe. 

It was such a sad day. The only consolation was that you were no longer suffering and you were now at peace in a beautiful place surround by life.

It snowed the following day, only briefly in the morning. Like it did when I found out I was pregnant with you and I knew then that it was your way of saying 'I'm still here'.

We will miss you forever and you will never be forgotten and little brave boy. 

Lots of love.
Mummy xxx