Spring always brings new life with flowers blooming beautifully and new chicks hatching from the warmth of their nests. It's my favourite time of year and one that I was looking forward to sharing with you this year. 

I wept briefly today, not as I gazed at your beautiful face which I look at daily in photographs but on receipt of your full birth certificate which arrived today. I gently placed it with your paperwork in the folder containing your short birth certificate but then caught a glimpse of the piece of paper that certifies that you are no longer with us, and in that moment I felt my heart explode again. It prompted me to reach for your unwashed clothes and as I held them close I  took the deepest of breaths I could take to try and absorb the lasting smell of you on your little grows, cardigan and blankets - If I hold them close and shut my eyes I can for a moment feel your presence. It's at that point that I don't want to open them as I know reality will return and it will be just me and your things alone in the nursery.

I picked my broken heart off the floor and slowly packed away the paperwork, gently placing your unwashed things back in to the basket.

I'm fine now and once again I can look at your face and smile, and think that is my beautiful little boy. 

I hope you liked the beautiful yellow daffodils that Daddy and I left at the weekend. Apparently the deer are not fans of them so hopefully they will last a while.

We saw that there is a new little boy soon to join you and the others. Our hearts break for the parents knowing what they're going through and will continue to go through. I know you will look after them and share the wonders that the beautiful woodland has to offer.

Lots of love baba.
Mummy xxx

ps - Daddy has finally got his fireplace!